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how to burn things

“fire has its own language, spoken in the realm of heat, hunger and desire”

  • cooking food over a hardwood fire is a primal act that is a centre point of our history.

  • from the gauchos of patagonia to the butteri cowboys in the marshes of italy, every corner of this world has a rich history of food being cooked over open flames.

  • many chefs and recipes focus too much on harmony of flavours, which can get boring. if you sleep in a very comfortable bed, but sometimes take a siesta on the warm ground in the shade of a tree, you will know that the experience of one highlights the virtues of the other.

  • the taste of ‘burnt’ in food creates dissonance, adding a delicious and seductive element to the flavour and experience.

  • we are going to show you how to replicate some techniques from the mountains of argentina, that you can cook at home in your garden, to be enjoyed with friends and family, over a burning fire, as the sun sets and the day fades into night.

–inspired by Francis Mallman, ‘seven fires’.

vegetables

  • unlike argentinian tradition, we are keeping these recipes veggie. we are aware that as soon as your barbecue is lit, your da is going to be straight to the shop to stock up on burgers and sausages, which is very okay, who doesnt love a dad-style bbq?

  • these dishes are to highlight the true players. the burnt vegetables, which can be enjoyed by everyone and arranged artfully across your garden table to the amazement and ego-boost from your guests.

  • we have kept this vegetarian, but replacing butter with any other fat could make these easily vegan. but we love butter.
  • leeks
  • sweet potato
  • carrots
  • lemon
  • these simple ingredients can be transformed into three dishes that will turn any boring afternoon into a outdoor feast, with the correct amount of love from some fire and preparation.

  • using hardwood is the preferred method here. but we have used charcoal here to show you do to cook like this at home, as charcoal is easily picked up from your local garage.

  • we will release a whole hardwood fire lighting and maintenance guide soon, for now, get your charcoal lit and let it heat up until the coals form a white layer of ash.

  • pro tip: if you were too drunk after your last barbecue session (like us) to remember to clean the grill, here is a trick we learnt from a friend of ours who lived with us in dublin a while back (shout-out to hoppy).

  • slice an onion or shallot in half, and use a pair of tongs or stick a fork in it, and use to scrape the burnt bits off your grill as the coal heats it.

baptized by fire

  • anyone with experience of handling fire has probably came across a few kisses from the flames over the years, which enables you to adapt in your handling of the fire through trial and error.

  • this is one such recipe. many fails and burns have been taken in this coming together, the right way, for you to be able to replicate, safely, at home. it is only dangerous if you are an idiot.

charcoal / smoked maple syrup

  • this is serious

  • this smoky, sweet maple and charcoal syrup is the new hot shit you need in your life. it can be used from everything from cold morning pancakes to them late summer night cocktails and glasses of charcoal & cherry whiskey (which is what we did).

  • 50g maple syrup. (real maple, not that golden syrup shit).
  • 50g dark brown sugar
  • 100ml water
  • 1 piece of charcoal, hot & burning.

  • simply make a brown sugar syrup: mixing the maple, brown sugar* and water together, heating until the sugar dissolves, and then setting aside to cool.
  • *it is important to use brown sugar here, as it contains more molasses than standard white sugar and will help with the process of thickening the syrup

(ensure the correct amount of water is added, if less water than this is used, or the addition of white sugar, it will produce too bitter of a taste for a delicious syrup)

  • it is important the syrup is cooled completely, if in doubt place in the fridge for a brief few minutes before this next step.

  • when the coals on that barbecue are starting to form white ash, using a pair of long-handled tongs, and preferably wearing a long sleeved top, drop into the syrup and watch it sizzle and smoke from a safe distance.

  • ensure the coal is extinguised completely, rolling around using tongs until the bubbling and hissing has stopped.

  • at this moment you will understand why you are doing this stupidly irresponsible thing, the smell of maple that is almost honeycomb, and the smoke from the coal with the caramelizing of sugar, will marry into an aroma you were not ready for.

  • let the syrup cool completely, then strain through a fine sieve into your jar of choice. and that is it. ready to be added to anything you desire.

  • bonus recommendation : smoked maple espresso martini

leeks

  • always wash your leeks thoroughly. sand and dirt can get trapped in the layers, so take extra care in getting them cleaned out before any thought of cooking comes into play.

  • slice the tops off, but leave the root end intact.

  • simply place on a very hot grill, and let them burn.

  • when an attractive, charred layer is formed, turn the leeks around to the other side and repeat.

  • now we control the temperature

  • remove your leeks and place aside briefly, remove the grill grate safely, and push the hot coals to one side of the barbecue, then place the grill back on.

  • this creates two areas, a high-heat and a low-heat area, which lets you control the cooking process much more for them slower, more gentle cooking needs.

  • place the charred leeks back onto the grill, on the low-heat side, and place the lid on the barbecue if you have one. now we let the leeks steam as the heat from the burnt crust reaches the inner layers

  • cook for 12-14 minutes until starting to soften, then place aside and let rest for 10 minutes on a cutting board.

  • while the leeks are resting, we are making a very simple but seriously delicious dressing:

  • 2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
  • 2 tablespoons honey
  • 1 pinch of chilli flakes

  • whisk together until honey dissolves.

  • slice your leeks any way you desire, but don’t go too thin as texture plays just as important a role as flavour here.

  • rain some flaky sea salt on the leeks, then pour over the dressing.

charred leeks, honey & vinegar

sweet potato

  • we are going to boil our sweet potatoes, then let them steam before we smash them on the fire.

  • you can do this in a pot on the open fire if you wish, but it is an easy one to let tick away on the stove as you prepare other dishes and make something to sip on.

  • we are going to layer some flavour into these potatoes before they even come near the embrace of the fire.

  • place in a pot, cover with water and add:

  • 2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
  • 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
  • 1 bay leaf
  • a pinch of black peppercorns
  • coarse salt, to taste

  • bring to a boil, reduce the heat and simmer for 12-15 minutes, until tender when pierced with a knife.

  • drain potatoes, but do not let them cool, if they are not hot, they will break apart instead of smashing. you can add them back to the empty pot with a lid on top to keep warm until ready to smash.

  • we love cast iron. it is incredibly versatile and retains high levels of heat. we are lucky to have a chapa, which is a flat sheet of cast iron that is placed directly above the fire. failing this, you can use a skillet or cast-iron frying pan from your kitchen.

  • use a clean tea towel, and place the sweet potatoes inside, smash together gently with your hands until flat.

  • when your pan or chapa is very hot, smash your potatoes onto the surface, and do not get tempted to touch them as they sizzle, let that charred crust form with patience, it will be worth it.

lemon & thyme bbq butter

  • as this burnt crust is forming, we smashed together some soft butter with herbs from the garden and other bits:
  • thyme & oregano leaves
  • lemon zest
  • honey
  • sea salt

  • when you start to see the seductive burnt bits of the potato creeping from underneath, flip with a flat spatula, throwing some of the lemon & thyme butter under and around the potatoes, zest some more lemon on top and let the other side cook beautifully as the smell of burnt lemon & far-away hills surrounds your garden.

  • the potato is already cooked, so how far you want to take it with the charring is up to you. however far you are willing to go, just make sure you do not remove from the grill too early or you will not have achieved that amazing, caramelized crust that makes this worth all the patience.

  • paying homage to the royal argentinian chimichurri, we have made a bastardized version using what we had on hand:

  • fresh oregano
  • fresh parsley
  • thyme leaves
  • garlic cloves
  • red wine vinegar
  • olive oil
  • sea salt

  • blend until smooth and stunningly deep green in colour.

  • throw your smashed potato onto a plate, sprinkle with sea salt, an optional sprinkle of red chilli flakes (recommended), and pour your green sauce on top.

burnt boniato, lemon-thyme butter and chimichurri

carrot

  • with the south american tastes flowing beautifully, representing the fires of argentina, for his dish we decided to take some influence from a place far away from there, to the ancient flavours of korea.

korean bbq

  • originating from the ancient barbarians of maek, korean history is filled with open fire cooking. the traditional techniques were almost lost with the arrival of buddhism which prohibited the consumption of meat. however, when the mongolian empire invaded korea, they lifted this ban which brought the re-evolution of korean bbq as we know it today, and we are thankful for that.

  • we are lucky to have a local fruit & veg store which stocks beautiful produce from local farmers, so we picked up some stunning young carrots for this dish.

  • we encourage you at least attempt to source some vegetables from an independent supplier, which supports the farmers and everyone in between, and the quality in taste difference is a whole new level, which you wont want to step down from after.

  • scrub your carrots well, and split down the middle. you can peel them if you desire, but that is less fun.

  • for our korean style carrots, we are going to be using something called gochujang.

  • gochujang is a fermented chilli paste, which is made from a variety of ingredients, but the special component being the addition of starch from glutinous rice, which creates an elegant sweetness that balances the robust, fierceness of the hot chilli during the fermentation process.

  • you can pick some of this up in any asian market, and is beyond worth the purchase to replicate those truely korean-style barbecue flavours.

  • we made a mix of:

  • 1 tablespoon gochujang
  • 1 tablespoon sesame seeds
  • 1 tablespoon rice vinegar
  • 2 tablespoons soy sauce
  • 1 teaspoon honey
  • ½ teaspoon sesame oil
  • a pinch of flaked almonds (optional)

  • whisk everything together until smooth, then throw in your carrots and toss until covered.

  • get your chapa or pan smoking hot once again, and pour the carrots & liquid onto it

  • it will sizzle violently but beautifully, the sugars in the chilli paste combined with the honey will start to caramelize almost instantly. make sure to keep the carrots moving a little, as they will burn a lot faster than the other vegetables we have used. if you own a grill scraper, use this to scrape up the carrots and toss around.

  • to dress the carrots, we spontaneously (drunkenly) made this for the first time, and it was so fucking good that it has instantly become a condiment that will stay with us for many, many more dishes and cook-outs in the future:

pickled pepper yoghurt

  • we made some pickled bell peppers a while ago, using diced green, red and yellow peppers, in a simple brine of vinegar, water, sugar and salt.

  • seeing this jar of pickled peppers nearly empty, and a quick glance at the yoghurt in the fridge, they were soon married in a drunken ceremony with burnt carrots as the wedding cake.

  • the carrots on the grill should be caramelizing and charring nicely, don’t forget to keep them moving from time to time.

  • carrots contain a lot of natural sweetness. this combined with the added honey, which will be cut by the acidic and creamy yoghurt, gives you a bit more freedom to take the carrots a little further with the dark, crisp and bold crust.

  • when sensually burnt, transfer to a plate, throw the yoghurt on top, any remaining pickled peppers, and sumac if you have it.

korean-bbq carrot & pickled pepper yoghurt

  • all this smoke in your face from hot coals & burning sugar has probably given you a little dry tickle in your throat, but dont worry, we are here for you.

  • using that syrup you nearly burnt your hand off making earlier, we are going to make a smoky cocktail with the right amount of sweetness to bring this feast together in harmony.

maple, charcoal & cherry whiskey

  • cherries are coming into season right now, and we are very happy about that. pick some up if you can, and get ready to be tipsy before you know it, sipping on this ruby gold in the evening sun.

  • wash your cherries. there is no need to de-stone the cherries, as we are going to strain it, and also nobody has time for that shit.

  • smash some cherries, use one of those fancy muddlers if you have one, or if you don’t, like us, just smash them, it is not that technical.

  • for making drinks at home, we use a 1L jar with one of those metal ball things (which we don’t know if it has a name?) inside, that you might find in your local gym-going mates protein shaker bottle.

  • smashed cherries
  • single malt whiskey (or bourbon)
  • charcoal/maple syrup
  • ice cubes
  • orange peel
  • smoked chilli bitters (optional)

  • place ice in your fancy glass, shake all the ingredients apart from the orange peel, then pass through a fine mesh strainer on top of the ice, stir for 30 seconds, rub the inside rim with twisted orange peel, and then, the famous line:

with a cherry on top

  • do not worry if a little ash makes its way into your drink, you are probably smoked-out fully at this point, whats a little more?

  • if you read through these recipes, and plan your timings right (or get lucky), you can sit down to a spread worthy of the cowboys of tierra del fuego, and equally the ancient barbarians of korea.

  • fire awakens something deep in all of us, many people have tried to explain it, yet are unable. light a fire, burn some vegetables and enjoy the time spent with people you love, out in the open air.

  • this entire day, the dishes, the techniques and most importantly the poetic nature of the ancient ritual of fire, has been inspired by the incredible argentian chef francis mallman, who states below, the last part of the opening quote of this post, and will conclude our translation to you of what fire has done for us.

fire has its own language,

spoken in the realm of heat, hunger and desire.

it speaks of alchemy, mystery and above all,

possibility.

it is a slumbering voice inside me,

the ever-present beast within my soul.

it is beyond words, beyond memory.

it comes from a time long before i can recall.

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rent week rice

that time of the month

  • having a mexican fiesta in your garden, baking fancy breads and sippin’ on fat bottles of châteauneuf du pape are all fundamentals you should have in your life. but when the landlord comes knockin’ and those tight few days are creeping by, there is always something tasty as fuck to be made.

  • leftovers are one of the seven wonders of the world. they can turn a quick meal into something with depth and is just all round enjoyable to eat.

  • nobody is a stranger to seeing a sad half-onion in the fridge, leftover from that curry you attempted on wednesday night, or a dried up slice of lemon that you didnt need that much juice from, these things linger there, you morally feel bad throwing them out, telling yourself you are going to use it up before it goes bad, only to inevitably forget once again, and find it a week later and its grown something on top that you wish you could unsee.

  • take all those slices and end-of-packet bits out of the fridge, put all those thoughts of potato dauphinoise or ordering a take-away in the bin instead. grab some rice and lets fuckin’ eat.
  • its always a good idea to have rice at home. whenever you cook some, its useful to cook a little extra to keep in the fridge and whip out for a quick and easy meal addition. you have probably cooked extra anyway unintentionally, this is even better.

  • if you haven’t got some leftover rice: either cook some, get a cheap packet of that weird rice that is ready to eat or microwave, or grab a small portion from somewhere close to your house.

  • we happened to have some (a lot) of wild rice leftover, so this is what we are using.

  • keeping your pantry stocked is key for making cooking at home enjoyable as fuck. we will drop a pantry guide soon, with some things we recommend you have stored and ready. you might not have some of the condiments we have, but its always a good idea to try and keep a range of : spices, seeds, nuts, vinegars, oil, honey, sauces…the list goes on.

  • for vegetables, we have used what we have laying around here, and we are hoping you have even a few similar ingredients, however it does not truly matter because on rent week, you have to use what you have. so do that.

hot, dry.

  • always toast your nuts & seeds.

  • when toasting nuts & seeds in hot, dry pan, they release the essential oils inside, increasing the flavour and the aroma and takes everything up a level.

  • you can do this in the oven, but we like to use a skillet here, or just a regular pan if you don’t own a skillet (yet). it also involves less cleaning and keeps the fragrance of what you have toasted in the pan when you add in other ingredients.

  • we used peanuts, sesame seeds and black mustard seeds. add the peanuts to the hot pan, and toast, shaking the pan regularly, until starting to blister slightly. smash them a little with something hard, then add sesame & mustard seeds, tossing until popping and golden. it will smell like nutty, buttery popcorn, you will see.

  • while this is toasting. add some lime juice & salt to your rice. mix well.

  • add your toasted nut & seed mix to the rice. mix.

  • we had half an onion, a green chilli and two garlic cloves. simply slice your veg, and throw into the same pan with a little oil.

  • while this is cooking down in the pan, it is a good time to make some sauce or dressing, something that will bring everything together and turn this from a broke meal into a bangin’ dish that you could whip out anytime.

  • you should own a pestle & mortar. it lets you control the consistency more so than a blender, textures can play just as important a role as flavour.

  • we added a few leftover peanuts, and scraped the ends of an almond butter jar on top because why not.

  • next we added some soy sauce, sesame oil, rice vinegar, honey, sriracha blackout & lime zest.

  • mix together until you have your desired consistency, and taste along the way adjusting the balance. warning: sriracha blackout is hot.

  • when your onions & garlic are starting to caramelise just a little in the pan, its time to get on it.

  • add your rice to the pan and mix. we had some scallions laying around, which is always useful. throw in if you have them.

  • now take that unreal sauce you smashed together, and pour it on top of everything.

  • and thats literally it. fuckin easy.

  • the soy sauce & peanuts add a good amount of saltiness, but adjust the seasoning of the dish to your taste.

  • throw on a few slices on lime, we also recommend eating straight out of the pan, because you don’t need more dirty dishes on top of an empty bank account this week. or put it on a plate, whatever you want.

  • you can add literally whatever you want to this. we recommend topping with a fried egg, which can step in as any meal of your day.

  • also, if you are some sort of reasonable person who saves for rent-week and isn’t left skint in despair that one period of the month, then well done, but enjoy your fancy marks & spencers ready meal and leave the dirty rice for us broke motherfuckers.

  • making this when not broke is also perfectly acceptable, it gives you that extra bit of financial freedom to grab a 6-pack of beer to help this dish go down a treat. which you most definitely, should do.

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fuego mexicano

la fiesta

  • cinco de mayo, the fifth of may, 1862. in the streets of puebla, mexico. the french came, there was some commotion, mexico won. so today, in ireland, we will drink margaritas. what a wonderful world it is.

  • it is said the first battle lasted from sunrise to early evening, so we are going to break down how you can channel that inner mexican fire from the comfort of your own home. from breakfast to dinner, on the barbecue… drunk. so throw your sombrero on, blast some mariachi and vamos.

an offensive amount of limes

  • however many limes you think you need, double it. then double it again. this is pretty serious.
  • get down to your local veg shop, and grab a big basket. we will be using a lot of the same ingredients, so make sure to stock up on a few things. we don’t like to give strict lists or recipes, its all about adapting to what you have at home or have access to. but today we are hitting a few mexican flavours hard, so here are a few things we have used today:

  • lime (a lot)
  • red onion
  • bell pepper
  • avocado
  • sweetcorn
  • jalapeño
  • watermelon
  • tomato
  • coriander
  • mint
  • orange
  • lemon
  • red/green chilli

  • a few ingredients we are using today are less common, but if you have an asian or oriental market closeby, they are usually the best place to start. they are here along with other bits we used. do not worry if you cant get hold of some, use whatever you have. its grand, you will be drunk anyway.

  • harina de maiz, for making the taco shells
  • dried hisbiscus
  • dried chillies (habanero, chipotle, ancho)
  • almonds
  • agave syrup (or honey)
  • dark cocoa powder
  • cloves
  • eggs
  • coriander seeds
  • chicken stock (preferably home-made)
  • chicken
  • olive oil
  • chorizo
  • black beans
  • frozen berries

la margarita

“two wrongs dont make a right, but two margaritas do”

–old mexican proverb, probably

  • tequila.
  • cointreau/triple sec.
  • lime.

  • we like a classic 2:1:1, its pretty foolproof.
  • this means if you are using 200ml tequila, use 100ml cointreau/triple sec and 100ml fresh lime juice, none of that bottled shit here.
  • add a splash of agave syrup or honey and get some crushed ice ready.
  • if you don’t have a cocktail shaker (we don’t) just blend it or shake it up in something that wont splash all over you. we used a large kilner jar.
  • rub lime juice around the rim of your fancy martini glass, dip in sea salt.
  • add ice, pour your liquid gold in through a strainer. top with a slice of lime if you want to live fancy (of course you do). and sip this in the morning sunshine, now we make breakfast.

taco

  • buy some harina de maiz. or corn flour. not to be confused with cornstarch / cornflour.

  • what we want is flour made up of whole ground corn kernals to be the base of our tortillas.

  • cornstarch is labelled as ‘cornflour’ on our side of the water but it is a fine white powder which is made by removing the protein and fiber of the corn kernal, leaving only the starchy endosperm. this is not what you want here.
  • the best recipe is the one on the packet. follow the instructions which will be similar to:
  • 200g harina de maiz
  • 250ml warm water
  • pinch salt

  • mix together in a bowl with your hands like an old mexican abuela.

  • if you were so inclined and happened to be drinking a beer, you could add a splash to the dough, which is highly not recommended but who is going to stop you?

  • mix together until starting to form a ball, it wont feel like any regular dough because it is corn based, not wheat, so there is no gluten to develop in the dough. leave it to rest for 5-30 minutes or while you mix your next margarita.

  • a taco press is a slick piece of equipment to own if you are a fan of tacos on a regular basis, which you should be. we had a lovely one, but left it in a cupboard when we moved house, shit one. so instead, we used a skillet.

  • grab pieces of dough around the size of a golf ball, place in between two sheets of baking paper on a flat surface, and press down with something flat and heavy.

  • repeat and stack them tacos. or alternatively buy some taco shells wherever you can. this is better.

  • you are probably feeling a little wavy at this point already, we hope so anyway. maybe a banana or something in the morning would have been good. but here we are. cooking ‘breakfast’ a few hours late. we are using some of the fresh taco shells you just made for this infamous mexican indulgence.

huevos rancheros

  • huevos rancheros. a traditional mid-morning breakfast from the rural farms of mexico, which has climbed its way into the spotlight, for good reason.

  • fried eggs, peppers, black beans, fried tortillas, avocado, chorizo. what else would you want to start off your day?

  • now is a good time to light your barbecue. you can do this part in your kitchen of course, but the whole point of today is to be outside in the sunshine, sipping cold margartias and eating like you are on a hacienda ranch in puebla.

  • (we will drop a whole barbecue guide soon, from lighting to maintaining heat, and smoking your own vegetables, eyes peeled)

  • slice some bell peppers and fry in a pan over an open flame, because it makes you feel good.

  • we threw in some sliced jalapeños, diced chorizo and smashed black beans. we cooked it out until the oil from the chorizo has stained everything nice and spicy.

  • take two of your taco shells, and rip them into pieces. add to pan, or fry in a separate pan of oil until super crispy, this saves cleaning time.

  • crack two or three eggs in the pan, make little grooves for them to sit nicely if you desire, it is all going to get demolished in seconds anyway.
  • fry until starting to crisp but the yolks are still runny.
  • you can make guacamole, and we will below for later in the day. but we decided something a little smoother here would do the trick to cut the dish.
  • we used an avocado, a fat handful of coriander, green chilli, lime juice and zest, then blended it with some olive oil. pour this shit directly on top of your huevos rancheros. get your next margarita ready, and sit down with your boys. buen provecho.

salsa

  • salsa is a key component of mexican cuisine.

  • you can, and should, eat it with everything. we added some to many of our dishes today. here is a simple chopped salsa called pico de gallo.

  • pico de gallo literally translates as ‘roosters beak’, because this needs to be sharp.

  • dice some red onions, tomatoes and chillies. slice a stack of fresh coriander, stems and all, and mix. cover with sea salt, lime zest and lime juice. make a lot of this, you will need it.*

guacamole

  • *pro tip: make extra salsa, and you can use this to add to smashed avocados for a fast guacamole. this saves a stupid amount of time repeating yourself, and more time for drinking.

  • all this prepping and cooking at this point, as the day progresses, only means its time to upgrade your poison to match the sunshine, you deserve it.

watermelon, green chilli & pink peppercorn margarita

warm beers or heavy glasses of red wine have no place in the hot sun.

  • you want crushed ice. if you can only get ice cubes, blend / smash them up in the bag with a rolling in or whatever.

  • buy the biggest watermelon you can find. size matters here.

  • cut it around ⅔ of the way from the top, scoop out the watermelon insides.

  • a blender does help. you can blitz the watermelon together, with lime zest and lime juice, green chilli or jalapeño, agave/honey syrup, and some strawberries for a bonus if you have them.

  • mix in your tequila and cointreau. or do the smart thing and make a very large batch of margarita mix early in the day, keep it chilled, and use it throughout the day to top-up or create new summertime flavours.

  • use the same salt from earlier for the rim of your glass, however add some lime zest, a pinch of sugar and crushed pink peppercorns and mix around. add to the rim of your watermelon also for aesthetic pleasure.

  • pour all of this into your hollowed-out watermelon with the ice. throw some mint, a chilli, limes and fuck it, a bottle of corona, ice cold. pour some for the people you love before yourself, sit back and enjoy this glass of happiness.

mole poblano

  • mole. this is an ancient sauce, dating back to the aztec civilisation. and it deserves respect.

  • famous for its use of aztec xocolatl. which we know as: chocolate.

  • dried chillies, sesame, nuts, tomato, chicken broth, cloves and chocolate all rolled into one sauce that reigns above every other fucking sauce on this earth.

  • traditionally, every ingredient is toasted in various stages before mixing. dried chillies such as guajillo, ancho, chipotle. nuts from almonds and pecans to peanuts, spices whole and ground, breadcrumbs and this is even before any wet ingredients.

  • we have made a guerilla version of mole, respectfully, because we needed to make it before we got too drunk to remember how.

chicken broth

  • what you should do is buy a whole chicken, portion into pieces, and use the bones to make a chicken stock at home to use for your mole. but we are aware this isn’t exactly realistic for you at home sometimes. but make sure you have chicken stock of some degree, and a few pieces for actually eating in your taco.

  • for the sauce, quickly toast some dried chillies in a hot and dry pan, then place in a bowl, cover with boiling water and some sea salt, and set aside.

  • we quickly toasted some almonds, cumin & coriander seeds, cloves, pumpkin & sesame seeds and a cinnamon stick in the same dry, hot pan. set aside

  • reserving some of the tomato flesh from our salsa making, we cooked this down on a low heat with some onions, garlic and our chicken stock. adding our toasted spices, and then our rehydrated chillies. removed from the heat, and stirred in a spoonful of dark cocoa powder.

  • blend the dry mixture to a dark paste. split into two portions.

  • use one half to marinate your chicken pieces for this evenings dinnertime taco, ensuring the chicken pieces are coated fully.

  • the other half of the mole, we are going to blend further with coriander, lime juice and pickled jalapeños. this will be our mole verde we use to brush the chicken after it is sealed on the hot grill.

  • take a little break from all this cooking. you are supposed to be enjoying yourself fully. chat some shit with your mates, the margaritas in that watermelon have probably melted just a little bit, still ice cold, but just a little bit smoother and lighter so you don’t feel bad downing glass after glass because its so fucking refreshing.

the veggie

  • traditional mexican cuisine is un-apologetically not vegetable based. but however, over these parts people are, of course. so feel free to take a fat slice out of that huge watermelon you bought, sprinkle some salt, and grill it on the barbecue until crisp and glazed.

it should be hot

  • that fire you lit earlier should be nicely burnt down by now. white glowing embers are a good sign of when its ready to get to work.

  • add your mole-marinated chicken to the hot grill. cooking on either side until starting to brown and crisp.

  • take your mole verde, and brush the chicken on both sides.

  • cover the barbecue with the lid if you have one, or just keep an eye on it.

  • it will smell incredible.

  • remove from the grill when done. (probe to 73 degrees minimum, if you have one).

  • you want to remove the meat from the bones, add to a bowl, then start shredding the chicken with either gloved hands or tongs/forks.
  • this is your pollo verde. there is not much else stopping you at this point, you prepped everything earlier. well done.

  • throw a few taco shells on the grill to warm and char. get your salsa, guacamole and a few wedges of lime ready. load up your favourite hot sauce and start filling your tacos with shredded pollo, adding whatever height of toppings you desire.

  • sit down. take a bite of your taco with your eyes closed facing the evening sun and just enjoy that moment of mexican fuego.

  • as the evening sets in, you are full but still feeling fresh, you have done a lot of cooking and hopefully even more drinking, now its time for tranquillo.

talking with friends, by the fire, on a late summers day is one of the greatest pleasures of this world.

  • it is only fair that we do this moment justice, by creating a final, sun-setting margarita that will see you through the joyous conversations, laughter and smoke that is in the air.

hibiscus, forest fruit & orange margarita

  • sometimes in the hot sun, something refreshing and non-alcoholic is needed.

  • in mexico, having an agua fresca, or ‘fresh water’ is the right choice. usually made by blending fruit, flowers, ice, water and citrus juice.

  • a popular version of this is known as agua de jamaica.

  • agua de jamaica is made with dried hisbiscus, which is made into a sort of iced-tea with sugar and lime juice. we have made a variation of this using frozen berries and orange as our citrus.

did we say non-alcoholic? its fucking cinco de mayo

  • you can usually pick up dried hibiscus flowers in an asian market, it is worth it for this.

  • we made a concentrated agua de jamaica mix as a base, using:

  • 30g dried hibiscus
  • 500g boiling water
  • 100g caster sugar

  • pour the boiling water onto the hibiscus flowers, mix in the sugar. leave somewhere to cool to room temperature. when cool, strain out the flowers, leaving the bright ruby liquid, ready to be mixed.
  • we mixed our agua de jamaica with the rest of the margarita mix we had cooled in the fridge. put some frozen berries into a blender, squeezed an orange, ripped some mint and threw it all together with ice in the watermelon from earlier, which you should have drank clean by now.

  • use the same salt, lime zest and pink pepper mix from earlier for the rim of your glass. top with a slice of orange instead of lime.

  • chop some wood, break a chair from your mums living room, whatever it takes to get a stack of wood ready to keep the fire blazin’ while you lay outside, staring into the flames, getting more hazy with the people you love falling into similar states closeby.

  • you are probably just as sick of reading this as we are of writing it, in a serious tequila-induced hangover state. so its time you got to it.

  • buy some chillies, get your fucking martini glasses ready, and take yourself off, down to mexico.

viva la fiesta

Posted on

kimchi-ish

김치

cucumber ‘kimchi‘

  • kimchi is fucking amazing.

  • if you don’t know what kimchi is, it is a condiment made from salted, seasoned and fermented vegetables that originated from korea. it has crept its way into our western world as a healthy, probiotic and trendy food, which it is (the first two). kimchi has been made in many forms in korea since ancient times and is a staple in the home culture, with styles and flavour profiles ranging in extremes.
  • kimchi is a killer source of useful lactic acid bacteria and has high anti-oxidation properties. it is just a huge bonus that it tastes delicious as fuck.

  • a ‘tradtional’ kimchi flavour we all know from our favourite hipster cafes is: napa cabbage, gochugaru (korean chilli flake), garlic, ginger and usually types of jeotgal (salted seafood) which gives a greater depth of flavour and aids the fermentation process.
  • kimchi is made by a slow fermentation that takes a lot of time to develop the right level of flavour and good bacteria production.

but here’s a fucking trick

  • we are going to make a quick, 24 hour kimchi using cucumbers that has a low level of fermentation, but is seriously delicious.

  • cucumber kimchi is a real thing, it is called ‘oi kimchi‘ in korea and is popular in the summertime. and guess what? its sunny as fuck outside, so time to up your barbecue game with this side dish that is guaranteed to please your tastebuds and and all your isolated instagram followers. lets get to it.

buy cucumbers, wash them

  • we are using a 1 litre jar here, but feel free to make as small or large a portion as you like.
  • wash your cucumbers (not a euphemism, but do that too) because you don’t want any unwanted bacteria (also fits the euphemism).

  • slice them any way you like, but keep it smallish, this is a quick recipe.

  • place in a bowl, sprinkle 1 tablespoon of sea salt on top, and massage gently into the cucumbers until the salt dissolves and they become wet. set aside for 30 minutes

  • bonus round: grab a handful of the salted cucumbers into a small dish, sprinkle chilli flakes, a little honey and lime juice on top, eat them.

  • after 30 minutes, pour away any excess liquid from the bottom of the bowl.
  • we like the addition of carrot to this mix. it creates a nice earthy sweetness to balance all the other deep flavours we will mix. cut it small, into a ‘julienne’ (fancy chef word for wee sticks). add to the bowl with cucumbers.

  • take a couple of scallions, slice them in half lengthways and cut into 1-2 inch pieces. add to bowl.

  • we are adding garlic & ginger to a mix soon in this recipe alongside dried chilli flakes, which we dress the vegetables with. but we like a bit of texture over here so throw a bit of each in, if you are so inclined. the world is your lobster.

  • now we develop the flavour. we are using fish sauce in place of dried seafood here, but if you really are not down with that sort of flavour, then you probably should go get a fucking big mac or something because this clearly is not for you. however, you can substitute soy sauce in place of fish sauce to use as a gate-way drug for now.

  • 2 tablespoons dried chilli flakes (preferably gochugaru, korean chilli flakes)
  • 1 tablespoon garlic, minced
  • 1 tablespoon honey (or sugar)
  • 1 tsp fish sauce (korean, or soy sauce)
  • 1 teaspoon ginger, minced
  • (optional bonus) 1 tablespoon red apple or asian pear, grated.

  • smash / blend / mix all together.

  • pour this mix into the bowl, we used an extra addition of fish sauce because we like our shit strong. yours will be thicker, more of a paste.

  • for all the panic-buyers out there who hoarded stacks of disposable gloves, throw a pair on. for all the normal people, just mix it up gently with clean hands (or a spatula or something) until the paste covers everything evenly.

  • pack it tightly into a clean, sterilised jar. and that is it.

  • simply store it at room temperature for 12-18 hours, then throw it in the fridge.

  • you can go straight at it after 24 hours, however we think its best after around 2 days in the fridge.

  • this is a simple way to ease yourself into fermentation at home, we will drop more knowledge on longer, ‘real‘ ferments soon, so keep them eyes peeled. this is only the beginning.

  • for now, crack this jar open on a sunny day and enjoy your damn life.

Posted on

the fairest of them all

hokkaido

japanese milk bread.

  • this is what you need in your life.

  • offensively soft, buttery and our personal favourite for any sandwich.
  • hokkaido, also known as shokupan.

  • this bread uses an old japanese technique called tangzhong to achieve that god damn irresistible crumb.

tangzhong

  • the tangzhong is made by cooking out part of your liquid with some flour until it thickens, cooling it and then adding it to your dough when mixing.

  • similiar to the french technique of making a roux, it is sometimes known as a ‘water roux’ . it involves whisking the flour over a medium heat until it is smooth and thick. however, the ratio is different to the classic french 1:1. the ratio you want here is around 1:6 flour to liquid.

  • for this recipe, the scale is for either: one large sandwich loaf or 6 smaller rolls. we have made a double scaled batch at home to show you how to shape both methods.

making the tangzhong

  • 60ml water
  • 60ml milk
  • 23g bread flour
  • weight 60ml of water into a small pan, add the flour and whisk until smooth and no lumps remain. slowly pour in the milk and whisk.

  • place the pan over a medium heat, and whisk constantly for a few minutes. by the time your arm starts to get sore, it should be thickening nicely.

  • when it resembles custard, its ready. (see image).

  • if you don’t know when its ready, that means you cant tell the difference between how thick milk and custard are and that is not something we are willing to try and help you with.

  • pour it into something and place a layer of clingfilm directly on top to stop a skin forming. set aside to cool to room temperature.

  • science behind it all : the starch gelatinizes at 65 degrees, stabilising the structure of your bread.

yeast

  • you can make sourdough hokkaido, we have, but we believe for this dough, commercial yeast is bang on.

  • if using dry yeast that you found in the back of your ma’s cupboard, make sure to check if it is active-dry yeast or instant yeast.

  • instant yeast can be added straight to dough when mixing, in which case you do not need to ‘activate’ it like described below, so just throw it in with the rest of the ingredients.

  • when using the active-dry version:
  • pour 68g (½ cup if you are a wanker) of warm milk into a mixing bowl.

  • add 4g sugar (1 teaspoon)

  • add 7g active-dry yeast and stir until the yeast begins to dissolve. leave for a few minutes until bubbling and frothy. (if using instant yeast, continue without waiting).

  • if you have a mixer or a kitchen-aid, now would be a good time. if not… it’s grand.

  • you should always have some soft butter sitting around, ready for action. now is that time. if not, make sure you at least soften to room temperature:

  • 58g, unsalted butter. set aside for now.

  • add the following to your milk & yeast mixture:
  • 325g bread flour
  • 36g sugar (40g total with 4g already mixed in)
  • 1 egg
  • 6g salt (1 teaspoon).
  • tangzhong, cooled to room temp

  • mix together with a spatula briefly, throw that away and get involved. knead with your hands (dough hook on a mixer) until it starts to form a rough, ugly dough.

  • knead for around 5-6 minutes, until starting to come together.

  • slowly add the softened butter*, bit by bit, until fully incorporated.

  • *if your butter isn’t soft enough, or is still a little cold, but you have added it anyway thinking “fuck it”, then you deserve the absolute nightmare that follows trying to mix that.

  • pro tip: for fast softening, place butter inside baking paper, and bash with a rolling pin, listening to black sabbath (essential).

  • when your dough starts to become smoother and less sticky, knead it into a tight ball, using the curve of your hands to round it and create tension on the surface.

  • place into an oiled bowl, cover with clingfilm or a linen towel, and leave somewhere warm (22-24 degrees) until doubled and looking bodacious.

shaping

  • time to make a decision.

  • we prefer the sandwich loaf version. it rips into 4 perfect sandwich pieces, however you need a loaf pan, so failing that, make some rolls that you can bake on any flat tray.

  • either way, tip your dough onto a lightly floured surface, and deflate with your hands, bringing her down a level. do it gently or hard, whatever you are into.

  • as we mentioned, this is a double-recipe. so we cut this in half to show you each one and how it is shaped.

the loaf

  • you can weigh it into 4 exact pieces, which is a good habit, we didnt. simply cut your dough in half, then half those two pieces.
  • stretch and fold the sides of the dough into the centre, pushing firm and tight to seal.

  • flip dough seam-side down, and tighten the log with a dough scraper or your hands.

  • when the 4 pieces are ready, grab a loaf tin and rub butter on every crack and corner of the inside. place your 4 pieces of dough in the middle of the loaf tin, don’t worry if it looks a bit shit and underwhelming, after the proof, it will be popping.

alternatively

  • this makes 6 good-sized rolls, you could make bigger ones or many small ones or put the dough together however you want, but you get 6 legit ones here, trust us.

  • fold and seal the pieces. but instead of shaping into a log, round it into a ball with the curve of your hand, and tighten with scraper. place on oiled or buttered baking paper on a tray.

  • whatever shape you went for, you are still going to proof the dough in a warm place, covered, until it has doubled in size. in the loaf tin, you want it to be just shy of the top of the tin.

  • pre-heat oven to 180 degrees.

  • you want to brush the top of your dough before it hits that oven. depending on how you like it, you could make the crust glossy by brushing with eggmix, or if you prefer a matte crust, use milk. we used a little of both.

  • bake in the oven for:

  • 20-25 mins (6 rolls)
  • 30-35 mins (loaf)

  • if the crust starts to darken a little too quickly, throw a little tin-foil on top.

  • remove from oven. the smell is real.

  • if you have a probe, you want your dough to be between 88-96 degrees internally. but you don’t need it, you know its ready. even if its not, look at it, you cant wait any longer.

  • you should definitely let it cool. even just a few minutes, before gracefully ripping open and indulging in something that can only be likened to a buttered cloud.

recommended pairings

  • whatever you want. you already know its perfect for everything, you are welcome. we hope you enjoy.
  • we are aware there is no set recipe at the beginning of this post, because we wanted you to read it through and understand the breakdown of how to do this bread justice. if you got the whole way through and are feeling the call of the hokkaido people, here it is:
  • tangzhong:
  • 60ml water
  • 60ml milk
  • 23g bread flour

  • dough:
  • 325g bread flour
  • 7g yeast
  • 68g milk, warm
  • 58g unsalted butter, soft
  • 40g sugar
  • 1 egg
  • 1 tsp salt

Posted on

try and fucking bánh this.

bánh mì

“the only real argument for colonialism”

– calvin trillan

  • you are probably sick of looking up a recipe and having to endlessly scroll down some dickhead’s life story on a blog, endlessly accepting cookies that you cant even eat. we think there are some things you should know about this sandwich, but it will be short and sweet.
  • throughout history the french have been known for two things: bread, and being dickheads. some shit went down… time went by, cultures mixed, here we are.

  • ‘bánh mì‘ literally means ‘bread’ in vietnamese. so as long as you have kept up with our other posts and have some bread in hand, you are ready for a good time.

  • different areas over time developed different flavour combinations and ingredients (from pâté to fish) but there are a few recurring ingredients that are considered a staple.

  • here is our version.

pickled veg

  • classically carrot & daikon. however you can switch it up a little, here we have some carrot, red onion and radish.
  • cold & crunchy. we rubbed these with some sugar and salt, covered with brown rice vinegar and set in the fridge. keep it simple, dont stress yourself.

fresh chillies

  • next, slice some chillies or jalapeños. cover in lime juice, set aside.

mayonnaise.

  • if you dont like it, make something else. this is a base requirement.

  • hellmans is good, making your own is better. it is very easy. we will drop a guide on how do this at home.

  • here we used rice vinegar, and didn’t wipe the bowl before the photo, because why would we?

fish sauce

  • you are at home, staring outside at the rain, wishing you could experience something even slightly culturally stimulating. fish sauce will transport you to the fucking streets of saigon, dont be scared.
  • here we smashed some garlic cloves, added a fat splash of fish sauce and more lime juice. you can use a blender if you have one, but this is more fun.

protein

  • pork is what you want here. you could use a variety of cold-cuts, grilled pork or anything really. char sui is a popular go-to.
  • we wanted porchetta, so we made porchetta.

  • we used a small portion of pork shoulder, stuffed with herbs, garlic & fennel. then forgot about it in the oven for a long time.

baguette

  • the heavy french influence comes mainly through the use of the baguette. buy them locally for next to nothing, or make them at home. we will drop a sourdough baguette recipe soon.
  • gather everything you have prepared. toast your baguettes in the oven until crisp and browned, slice in half.

  • spread obscene amounts of mayo on both sides.

  • pick coriander leaves from the stem. if you are one of those people who cant enjoy coriander… shit one. your experience will be inferior. don’t you dare throw away them stems (recipe drop soon: candied coriander stem).

  • begin stacking.

  • slice in half.

  • eat it. colonise it. whatever you want, as long as its inside bread… its a bánh mì.

Posted on

big boy bread: sourdough

“there are only two kinds of bread in the world: bread that hands have made, and bread that hands have not”

time to stop playin’

  • we hope somewhere between the enthralling daily adventure to the shops, and your 4th glass of vino on a tuesday night, you at least had a few attempts at making some form of bread during this free time.

  • if you have grown from somewhere between “in the bin before anyone sees it” to “fuck this is actually alright” (a right of passage) and want to get on top of your game even further, fear not, we got you covered right here.

  • this will be an advanced guide to baking a loaf of sourdough at home, if you are new to this, please see the previous posts on how to create your own starter culture and develop to the stage of baking a loaf, then come back here. or don’t, whatever level you feel is good for your enjoyment at home, do that.

bakers percentages

  • calculating percentages for baking is slightly different than the standard ‘percentage’ you are used to.
  • every ingredient is expressed as a percentage of the total flour weight. not the total weight of the dough. the flour weight is always expressed at 100%.

  • for example:

  • 100g flour
  • 60g water
  • 6 salt

  • to make this easy, our 100% is based off 100g flour. added together this dough would weigh 166g, but that is not our base.
  • 60g of water, as a percentage of 100g flour, is 60%. this makes our dough 60% hydrated.
  • 6g of salt, as a percentage of 100g flour, would be 6%. (an example, dont do this).
  • if this seems confusing as it is based off ‘100’. take 250g flour, 60% of 250 would be 150. so adding 150g water would make your dough 60% hydrated.

autolyse

  • with most things in life, there are a few tricks that get you through it. bread is no different.

  • ‘autolyse’ or ‘autolysis’ is just a fancy term for hydrating flour, mixing your flour and water together before adding any additional ingredients (starter & salt). however don’t let this pseudonym over-simply things, this is an important process which is vastly overlooked.

  • when your flour and water are mixed until no dry flour remains, and you let it rest for a small period of time, you will see the difference. your dough will be smoother and more elastic, have a better crumb, and generally just be way fuckin better.

whats goin on’

  • when the flour absorbs the water and is fully hydrated, enzymes in the flour stimulate proteins to begin gluten development. at the same time, other enzymes are breaking down starch into simple sugars which feed the yeast during bulk proofing.

  • this is happening before any kneading is done to your dough, preventing any chance of an over oxidised dough, which may be grim for the colour, flavour and texture of your beautiful loaf that you so wish for.

  • bakers love fancy words, it makes you feel good. ‘levain’ is one of these words.

  • a ‘levain’ is your sourdough starter. it is the rising agent for your dough and what you have been babysitting for weeks now, ready to be let out to play.

  • there are endless techniques and timelines used by bakers from everywhere, once you learn the behaviours and temperatures of your dough and yeast, with what you have at home, a natural schedule that suits your routine will fall into place. in winter, fermentation will be slower as it will be colder, and in summer, you will see a rapid increase of activity due to warmer environments.

  • learning to adapt to the ranging temperatures and conditions, and knowing what to do to manipulate this as best you can, is the ‘fun’ part. well, until your tearing into a still-warm loaf with your hands, raining butter and sea salt on that bitch with your boys at 2am on a saturday night cause you forgot to make a levain early enough that day.
  • your timeline will be based upon your conditions at home, however the processes remain the same. below is a process breakdown that works.

autolyse

levain

salt

stretch & fold

bulk ferment

shape

proof

bake

  • autolyse your dough ideally between 2 and 4 hours. however even a 15 minute autolyse makes a difference if you are pushed for time, we’re in the big leagues now.

  • we are not getting into the activity of your starter here. we are assuming your starter is active and ready for its big night out, if not, check out our starter maintenance post. some sort of tech whizz would have the link to that post right here, too bad you are stuck with a baker.

  • we probably should have mentioned this earlier, but you should always read something through fully before you try and follow the instructions. if you have, fair play, if not, lesson learnt. when autolysing your dough, save around 5% of your water on the side, so you can use this to help incorporate your levain and salt when needed.

  • we will release a another advanced guide into the world of different levain percentages, but for now we assume you followed our sourdough guide and have an active levain of 100% hydration (equal parts flour and water).

  • the bakers percentage of our levain is 20%.

  • using a splash of this reserved water, dimple your levain into your hydrated dough, pressing it in with your fingers and working it together (see photo above somewhere).

  • depending on how wet your dough is, it will take different amounts of time to come together. as your knowledge and skills grow, you can experiment more with higher hydrated dough, your hands and eyes will let you know when the dough is ready.

  • a famous technique is known as the rubaud method . this involves ‘scooping’ the dough underneath and stretching and pulling the dough until it becomes extensible and smooth.

  • let the dough rest for 30 minutes, covered with a tea towel or some clingfilm.

  • next, you want to add your salt.

  • apply the salt the same way you incorporated your levain, using your fingertips and remaining reserved water to bring together, before applying the rubaud method (see photo below)*

  • *advanced method: play ‘stairway to heaven’ , do not stop mixing until the song is done, and we guarantee your dough is perfect.

  • in the photo above, i know what you might be thinking. “look at all that dough on the side of the bowl” well you probably are not thinking that, but were addressing it incase any real bakers are reading this, we know our shit, and you will too soon enough. see photo below (the power of led zeppelin).

  • once your dough has come together, you want to begin the ‘stretch & folds’.

  • this is a technique used to increase gluten strength and structure to your dough. you want to grab one side of your dough, stretch it gently until it feels resistant, then fold it over your dough (use wet hands to prevent sticking). you want to perform this on three sides of the dough, until it has all been folded over itself. let your dough rest for 30 minutes in a warm environment.*
  • *a warm environment. ideally 22-24 degrees, which you use as a base for fermentation (for your starter, dough, anything else).

  • after 30 minutes, you will probably have noticed the dough has deflated and flattened a little. you want to perform the next stretch & fold at a 30 minute interval, before returning to the warm environment, and performing an additional stretch and fold after 45 minutes, or enough times until your dough holds a partial rounded shape after a 30 minute rest.

  • when the shape holds slightly, it is time for your bulk ferment.

  • bulk fermenting, is simply that. it is fermenting your dough, in bulk form (one single mass) before you decide to divide it into smaller loaves, rolls, baguettes, or leave it whole for a big daddy loaf for sunday brunch.

  • you want to bulk ferment 2-5 hours, depending as always on the warmth of your resting environment. when the bulk ferment is complete, your dough will have flattened a little but still have a faint rounded edge in your bowl. now it is time to shape it into a loaf.

  • there are some other steps in the advanced techniques of bread making , such as ‘lamination’ and ‘pre-shaping’, which we do perform regularly with great results, but with the process we have applied here, you still end up with a seriously bangin’ loaf.
  • tip your dough onto a lightly floured surface. flip your dough with a dough scraper (get one) or something flat until the floured side is face down.

  • now we begin creating the base shape of our loaf. we cant pretend to know the best technique for doing this, as there are hundreds. but incorporating air and structure in this step is important, and this technique works damn fuckin’ good. alternatively, get onto YouTube and learn whatever technique looks the most fun and effective for you.

  • fold one side of your dough over onto the middle, and then the opposite side over this. then fold the top halfway down your dough. then we begin ‘stitching’ which is stretching opposite segments of the dough over itself (like a stitch). see photo below. flip your dough, and seal the edges with your fingers.

  • now it is time for proofing.

  • your beautifully shaped dough needs somewhere to relax. us fancy folk use something called a ‘banneton’ or a ‘proofing basket’ which is a basket (made of cane or rattan). this enables your dough to proof ‘upwards’ rather than out, giving you a nice, high-rising light loaf. alternatively at home you can use a mixing bowl lined with a linen tea towel (use linen as it wont stick, fuck cotton).
  • liberally flour your banneton/cloth-lined bowl. if you can get your hands on some, use rice flour as it will ensure even further your dough does not stick.

  • *important as fuck. flip your shaped loaf upside down, so the seam you have ‘stitched’ is facing upwards. lift gently from underneath to not compromise the shape and all of the air you have so artfully incorporated, and place into your floured container of choice. (below)

  • now we wait.
  • let your dough proof in the banneton for around 15 minutes at room temperature, before covering with a towel, or wrapping in film and placing in a cold fridge. you can proof your dough in the same warm environment and have it baked within hours, however a cold fermentation overnight has many more benefits.

retarding

:retard (verb)

– a delay or hold back in terms of progress or development.

  • we know what you are thinking, but don’t be a dick. ‘retarding’ is the process of slowing down fermentation in your dough, to increase depth of flavour and texture.

  • as your dough rests, in a cold environment, the yeast bacteria produce acetic and lactic acids, which produces a richer and more complex flavour to your bread.

  • you want your fridge temperature to be between 2-4 degrees, a little more locked in than 0-5. (for the serious nerds, the cooling rate of your fridge can come into play here, but if you are that clued in to cooling rates of fridges in regards to yeast fermentation, you should be way fuckin smarter than us so keep on truckin).

  • cut a square of baking paper, wider than your dough.

  • place this piece of paper on top of your banneton, and flip onto a flat surface.

  • now we slice. we use a lame which means ‘blade’ in french. which is simply a flexible razorblade attached to a fancy wooden handle, to make it seem less like paulie slicing garlic in goodfellas. (photo above).

  • slashing the dough lets you control where the steam escapes, which will happen naturally, but this enables you to be in control of the aesthetic shape of the loaf, aswell as ensuring an even steam distribution.

we like it hot

  • you want a hot oven. you can bake this dough at varied temperatures, but we personally enjoy the primal kiss of a wood fire, obviously you are not going to do that just yet, so setting your oven to 260, or as hot as it can get, is a good start.

  • let your oven heat up for around an hour, until screaming hot.

  • steam is your friend. when the surface of the dough gets hot enough in a steamed environment, the starches slowly start absorbing moisture, until it becomes so saturated that it liquefies, creating a brittle and glossy crust.

  • there are many methods to create steam in your oven (you might be middle-class enough to have a steam option built-in to your home oven) but the two main approaches to home baking are:

  • a dutch oven. a lidded cast-iron pot.
  • a tray of ice or boiling water placed underneath the dough.

  • you want steam present for the first 10-20 minutes, to form the basis of your crust. after this time, reduce the temperature of your oven by around 10% (if your oven is at 260, reduce to 230, or use your fancy iphone to calculate 90% of whatever your oven is at)

  • here comes the most scientific, the most technical part of the whole process, you cannot afford to fuck up this meticulous process:

  • tap the bottom of the loaf with your hand.

  • does it sound hollow? if so, throw her on a wire rack to cool and crack the champagne baby its christmas. if not? shit one, try again from the beginning.

  • a good baker will tell you to wait until it is fully cooled before slicing , but a great baker knows the urge is too hard to resist.

  • you have spent long hours, days & weeks caring for this starter culture, and the entire process of creating a loaf, so if you want to slice that bread straight down the middle still-warm, get a shot for the gram to show off and then indulge without patience or judgement, you go right ahead and do that.

  • such is the beauty of life, bread included;
  • you can do whatever the fuck you want.

Posted on

get baked.

the virgin

“if you want some bread bitch you best be in a magazine” – PIMP C

  • you are probably impatient as hell at this point to actually have some bread in front of you. all this ‘feeding’ and mild annoyance of having to deal with this watery, yeasty shit in a jar is probably getting a little dull. fear not, time to get on it.
  • if you think your starter may not be alive or ‘active’ enough, shoot us a DM on instagram (@mischief.48) , but if you have followed the timeline and she is looking fine this evening, its about time you had something to eat.

  • this first recipe, is extremely simple. an easy introduction that requires minimal effort, but produces a bread bangin’ enough to please your tastebuds, and if you are so inclined, a few instagram likes.

the easy loaf

  • 100g sourdough ‘starter’
  • 500g strong bread flour
  • 300g water, lukewarm.
  • 1 bump sea salt (1 tsp) * see below

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  • mix the flour, water, sourdough starter and salt together in a mixing bowl, you can start with a wooden spoon or spatula, but when it begins to come together and become more homogeneous (all the same texture) is when the fun begins.

  • lightly flour your work surface/ counter-top/ chopping board. tip your dough from the bowl, and start kneading the dough. we will not bother exploring the basic principles of what ‘kneading’ is, we have shit to do, but a quick google if you are in the dark will get you there. you want to knead the dough until some tension forms on the outside of the dough, becoming smoother, and it starts holding its shape in ‘ball’ form.
  • lightly oil a clean mixing bowl, and place dough inside. cover with cling film or a damp tea towel, and leave somewhere warm or at room temperature, such as a high shelf in the kitchen or inside your grow tent.

  • rest for around 1-2 hours, or until roughly doubled in size.

  • when doubled, tip onto a clean work surface and knock back (removing air) from the dough, a punch or two will do. at this point you can cut this dough down the middle and make two smaller loaves, or go for the big daddy.
  • place a clean tea towel in the mixing bowl you used to rest the dough, line it heavily with flour. (or use a banneton, your next level up).
  • shape your dough back into a ball (or stitch and fold, which we will explore soon), and place upside down into the floured cloth in the bowl/banneton. cover with film and leave back in warm place for 2-3 hours or in the fridge overnight. this is called ‘proofing’ the dough, letting it rest and settle, which will be explored in further detail in the advanced recipe (coming soon) or… just look it up.
  • pre-heat your oven to 230 degrees, or 210 fan oven, if you want the fahrenheit temperature, fuck off.

  • tip your dough onto a baking tray, lined with baking paper. make a slash on top of the bread if you want that gangster ‘open ear’ sourdough, or don’t if you want it to burst in natural ways, you do you.

  • you want steam. place a small tray of boiling water in the bottom of your oven, failing that chuck in some ice cubes or pour some of your cold beer onto the bottom of the oven (not recommended).

  • bake for 30-40 minutes, until a desired crust has formed and sounds hollow when tapped on the bottom.

  • remove from oven and place on a wire rack. you most definitely should let it cool before you slice it, but there is absolutely no chance you are going to do that so why bother trying to baby you, get a whack of butter at the ready, make it rain with some sea salt and live your damn life.

“all sorrows are less with bread” – miguel de cervantes saavedra.

  • an advanced recipe is dropping soon for those keen to step up their game and hit that ‘open crumb’ bread that they can show off, for now, enjoy your first home baked sourdough and heres a poem by DMX:

go hard, getting busy wit it,

but I got such a good heart,

that i’ll make the motherfucker wonder if he did it.

damn right, and i’ll do it again,

’cause I am right so I gots to win

break bread with the enemy,

but no matter how many cats I break bread with, i’ll break who you sendin’ me.

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free range motherf*cker.

eggs.

any yolks?

  • if you don’t love eggs, there will always be something missing from your life.

  • protein, amino acids, healthy fats, cheap as fuck and delicious when cooked right.

  • you may have gotten sick of your ma’s hard boiled egg in a cup, or even had a crack at poaching your own eggs to fill that hole of a sunday hangover in your favourite hipster café, paying mortage prices for half an avocado, but why?

  • don’t waste your hard earned money on that, when you could cook your own eggs, literally any way you like, in the comfort of your home and save that cash money for a fat bottle of châteauneuf du pape (or can of harp) and wake up fragile the next day, and indulge in some serenity which is a dripping fried egg yolk.

  • there is an insane number of ways to cook eggs, but here are some basics that we cook regularly.

fried

blasted on a high heat until crisp underneath, make sure that damn yolk is runny.

scrambled

butter/olive oil. low & slow. rubber spatula, keep it movin’.

boiled

david chang. boil water. 5 minutes, 10 seconds, ice, done.

poached

a splash of vinegar in the water. gentle simmer (not boiling). roughly 3 minutes, remove carefully.

  • people can be quite selective about how they like their eggs, and that is totally fine ,because when you are at home, you can cook whatever the fuck you want.

  • you might have heard this before, but if not then listen up. you should always crack your eggs on a flat surface, nobody likes to deal with bits of rogue shell.

  • always use freshly cracked black pepper on your eggs, we don’t play with that pre-ground dust here.

  • there is many debates about when to add salt to your eggs, and that is for another day, just make sure you add enough salt that they taste good.

  • endless combinations and techniques are out there, just play on your own and eat well, for now, here is some over-easy breakfast listening:
  • ‘use me’ – bill withers
  • ‘coffee cold’ – galt mcdermot
  • ‘waterfalls’ – TLC

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chapter two: broth

broth.

mirepoix, bouquet garni and other french culinary terms to make you sound intellectual in front of your mates.

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vegetable broth.

every broth starts with a mix of 2 parts onion, one part carrot & one part celery, otherwise known as a mirepoix. one large onion or two smaller onions, skin on, cut into quarters. peel the carrot and quarter. give your celery a good wash and roughly chop once or twice. this, along with a bouquet garni will form the base of flavour for your broth. classically, a bouquet garni is thyme and parsley stalks, wrapped and tied in a bay leaf. generally, i just fuck them into the pot (parsley with leaves intact) with 13 black peppercorns, a few juniper berries half a bulb of garlic and whatever other hardy, woody herbs I have around (think rosemary and sage over coriander or dill, lighter green herbs will disappear if added early on in the process, they are much better picked fresh and added at the end).

there are really no rules after that. just don’t go too far. keep it simple. i like to add leek, and fennel if i have some. pink peppercorns can give a nice kick, or star anise and szechuan for a more eastern flavour profile. avoid using ground spices as they give a grainy finish.

place all of your ingredients into a pot and add just enough cold water to cover the vegetables. make sure to take note of the amount of water you use as this will be important later on. put a lid on the pot and bring the water to a simmer (a few bubbles here and there), do not boil. roll a spliff and listen to black sabbath, relax for 20 minutes.

crack open some white wine, take a swig, then work out 10% of the amount of cold water it took to cover the vegetables and add that amount of wine. so, for example, 2l of water = 200ml of wine. you can use red if you want, but white will help keep that golden translucence you have been striving to achieve throughout this culinary voyage (i took more than a swig). cover and simmer for another 15 minutes. strain the liquid into your designated storage vessel. at this stage, i like to to eat the leftover vegetables straight out of the pot with a sprinkle of sea salt while standing over my kitchen sink with a can of cheap lager.

season your stock to taste with sea salt and freshly cracked black pepper. use it in sauces, soups or to deepen the flavour of other stocks. or simply eat it with a slice of fresh sourdough, generously lathered in butter, listening to prince in your underwear.